Making a Table

Ever wondered how to make a table out of bamboo and some bits of wood? No? Not ever? Well, obviously you've been living somewhere without a sense of personal industry. Someplace with a Wal-Mart within a ten min. drive and where twenty bucks isn't around two weeks wages, if not more. Anyway, you lazy ass, here is how you make a table.

First, get yourself some bamboo, a saw, a woman who’s been a Girl Scout leader for upwards of twenty years, and two children to actually do the work. You really only need the bamboo and saw, though, because I’ll be telling you what to do from now on.

Get a slat of bamboo, decide how long you want your table to be, and then saw it off. Then using that slat as the model, measure out the rest of your slats until you have enough to make the table as wide as you desire. Lay them all out on the ground like so.

Next, get some strong twine, or some kind of durable plastic material. Put the twine under the edge of your first slat, and tie a basic cross-over (1st step when tying your shoes) and then place the next slat atop the remaining twine and repeat the process until all of your slats are tied together. When you reach the end, tie it off with some kind of knot, and cut off the extra.

Finally, get some sticks and shove them in the dirt, or some flat-bottomed boards if you’re planning on using these inside a house or on otherwise hard, flat ground. Then tie or nail on some cross-beams, and then throw your mat of bamboo atop it. Boom. You got yourself a table. It’s a little bouncy, but its cheap, durable, and possibly highly flammable. Not bad for an hour or two of work, eh?

NOTE: For beverage containers with low centers of gravity only.